When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
