I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
