I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
