how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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