He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
