is your mom at the bar?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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