Sober January is a disaster.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
