All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
