Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I intend to get homeless drunk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
