I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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