So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
