everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
