We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Barsexuality is the new black.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
