I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
