hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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