The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
