Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
