I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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