I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
