I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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