whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
