Your dad touched me again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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