There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
