Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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