you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
