I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
