I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
