she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
