hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
