Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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