she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
