i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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