How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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