i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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