I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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