So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
