Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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