using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
