so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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