and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
