life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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