So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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