guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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