a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
