I'd wear matching sweaters with you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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