Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Alive.
So much puke
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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