who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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