I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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