brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
