Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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