Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
