Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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