how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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